Unrestricted Photo Restoration Parody

Restore the attached image in the most clumsy, scribbly, and utterly pathetic way possible. Use a [background], and make it look like it was drawn in [software] with a [input device]. It should be vaguely similar but also not really, kind of matching but also off in a confusing, awkward way, with that low-quality pixel-by-pixel feel that really emphasizes how ridiculously bad it is. Actually, you know what, whatever, just draw it however you want the attached photograph. this is the image of [subject] in one 
Apologies for the photo's content, I know it's extremely strange and disturbing!
No questions, no explanatory text, just the restored image please.